What is good sex?

I’ve been thinking about that since last night as I struggled over an orgasm passage in a new story. I couldn’t seem to get it right – the words, feelings, movements of my characters were escaping me. Fractured moments would find their way on the page, phrases, words, but that isn’t usually the best writing – the best writing flows… kind of like the best sex.

There are so many different flavors of sex –

And there are so many sexual things that I’m not convinced are sex. It’s like I need another category for them or maybe sex is the broad net and I need to define the pieces. More questions than answers… but we were talking about flavors of sex.

As I’ve been exploring the different flavors – kind of like being at Baskin-Robbins except there are more than 31 – I’ve discovered that my definition of sex has expanded as has my personal repertoire. And I’ve been having better sex. But am I having better sex because I’m more adventurous, found better partners, or…something else? Is variety the spice of life?

If you type in “types of sex” into Google you will even get lists, pages and pages of them… 

• The Frisky has 24 Types of Sex including one-night-stands, pity sex, and morning sex.
• Ask Men has the 6 Types of Sex Women Enjoy Including Seductive Sex, Romantic Sex, Animalistic Sex, and Kinky Sex.
• NYNerd lists 7 Types of Sex including Smurf Sex – “having sex until you are both blue in the face”.
• Cambridge University Students’ Union has different types of sex listed and even includes the risks to your health. The first type is “Touching, holding & kissing” the last is Fisting.

I could go on for pages… but I won’t because none of these lists do anything for me. They are describing types, acts, circumstances but not what is good.

Now I admit – what is good is often based on who, with what, where, and why. For Example: Prof. Plum, with the vibrator, in the Library, because I could *grin*. So as I was sweating the details of my literary orgasm last night I started to wonder…what, for me, defined good sex? So I came up with my own list…

First and foremost – I’ll be focusing on you so you damn well better be focusing on me! That means be present and in the moment. I won’t do you while you are watching porn. (Just a personal issue – if you are having sex with me then I better be the most important thing in the room.)

Second – Don’t be apologetic or worried that you should have spent more time at the gym – If you got into my bed then I like you the way you are. So strip off those clothes and get in here with me.

Third – Have fun! I really mean that. Sex is more fun when you are having fun. Have a sense of humor – see the silly side of things – when you get right down to it sex if rather ludicrous. I put what where? And it does what to you? I mean think about it.

The fourth rule is something I’ve added just for myself – enjoy the magic. Sometimes you meet someone and the chemistry is… well… Wow! Enjoy it, bask in it, and let it pull you where ever it takes you. Chemistry like that is a gift from the gods. Simply thank them and curl back up with your lover.

So… those are my thoughts… what are yours? What is the best sex you’ve ever had and why was it the best? Something made that moment magical… what was it?

Licks!