The Universe Knocked

Last night, on my way home from work I stopped off at my local liquor store for a bottle of scotch. The manager, Frank, and I had become friends over the years and discussed all manner of things from the weather, new liquors, to the uncertain habit of some whiskey distillers to use “flavored” oak casks to create new versions of their product.

We also talk about my writing.

I haven’t published anything in a loooong time. But a few things are still up and kicking in the Internet archives including Not Having Sex of which I am inordinately proud. Frank asked for the website again and it reminded me…

A year ago last week I wrote a short story on spec for a compilation of stories about sexy villains. It was accepted a few months later. A few months after that I received my contract. The next month I sent it back… and then, nothing.

So much nothing I put the prospect of publishing again out of my head. I’d had hoped that selling something would light a fire under my writing but my day job world had exploded and I no longer had the energy to focus on my writing life.

Then last night, after mentioning the story to Frank I went home, picked up my mail, and like magic there was my contract and a check!

My erotic writing has been on life support a long time, so many things have happened, changed, and shifted in my life, that I don’t know where to place my feet. It isn’t that I haven’t been writing, but I haven’t been telling stories. My current writing style is more therapy than craft.   

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I’ve come to the bend in the road. I do feel, once again, the need to place my thoughts out for the world to see, to explore sex, relationships, and writing. But I am no longer who I was. We never are – we are, as a wise man said, “the sum of our experiences”, and I do not yet know where they are leading me.

~ Licks!   

Love & Lovers

A lover and I parted ways last week.

It was sudden in the way things are sudden when you’ve know they were going to happen for so long you forgot it was possible. We’ve been friends for a long time, and lovers on and off over the years, but over the last eight months we’ve grown closer than ever before. Close enough that losing this aspect of him is like losing a part of me. We both have stressful demanding day jobs and found surcease from the woes of our daily lives during our weekly visits. The thought of surviving the next few months without the joy we found together makes my heart ache.

We talked last night, my friend and I. Talked about where we were, where we were going, and about what we share and how much we will both miss it. Our relationship was uncomplicated in the way lovers can be – caring and being cared for without the extra stress of day-to-day existence. We love, but are not in love. Now that he is moving on our relationship is about to get complicated as we work our way from lovers back to friends. Because we became so close over the last year our friendship is taking on a different flavor – one worth holding onto.

But it is an adjustment. One that has me sad, wistful, and grateful for the time we have spent together even as my body and heart crave more.

Last night he asked me if he’d hurt me. I didn’t think so; at least not in the way the phrase is usually meant. I hurt, but not because he hurt me. I hurt because I’ll miss that part of him terribly. We’ve known all along this was temporary. As much joy as we have together there has always been something missing. Something one of us would go off in search of one day. And he has. I sent my love and my blessing after him.

~ Licks my loves