Tipping Points

The geek in me is having a ball thinking about different tipping points to write about for Clean Sheets’ new erotica contest The Tipping Point of Lust.

But then, I just love Clean Sheets!

But tipping points… those moments when something moves from a like to a love, a want to a need, from dream to desire. What “tips”? What changes? In another post I talked about how desire doesn’t come out of nowhere – we have to see before we want.

So where is that moment?

Once I stood next to a man, watching an amazing thunderstorm that was trapped in the valley, and felt an emotional shift. We were co-workers, had been taking small steps to becoming friends, but in that moment – standing very close to each other, without touching, watching the lightning strike the city I knew. The shift had been made and we would become lovers. It was an almost tangible change in the air.

But what about smaller tips?

• The kiss that is just a whisper of what is possible that then drowns you – spiraling out from your lips and flames into lust.
• The moment when you find out your new lover has a nearly unquenchable oral fixation.
• What if your partner’s nipples are his/her tipping points? Those lovely “on” switches that when flipped can make them come.
• When the sound of his voice is all it takes to make you dripping wet.
• What about that point where we tip into orgasm. That breathless moment where sensations become unbearable and you push forward, not out of desire but out of blinding need.  

And…

I think I’ve found my story…. But there are more out there. More tipping points…events small and large that take us into new territory…what are yours?

Licks!

Emma’s Dating Disasters…

Remember how I mentioned that my friends like to out me as an erotica writer…So, I’m at a party and there is this delectably lovely man that interests me. Sexy, confident, successful, and fit. He has dark hair and even darker eyes and I notice that he is covertly following me as I make my way through the party. I’m talking, laughing, and sneaking glances his way and am in the process of deciding if he is just a casual admirer of my outfit or if he is interested in more. I find the hostess, my oldest and dearest friend, do some fishing to vet his creds and then move in. But then my friend opens her mouth and this is what comes out….

“Hi, have you met Emma yet? She writes erotica.”

And then the fun begins.

First off, it is such a surprising statement even in my oversexed city that there is always interest. Second, the interest isn’t always good.

Since I’ve started researching sex and writing erotica while still dating I’ve found the following reactions.

1. Voracious Interest. But this interest comes with an assumption that I am much more adventurous than I truly am – especially with strangers. I can talk about anything – I don’t judge – and I’m truly intrigued. But what I know, what I’ve seen, and what I’m willing to do either in public or private has nothing to do with what I write.

2. Interested Apprehension. This usually happens when I date someone. They have a certain amount of interest that is based more on what I write than who I am (I’m getting better at sussing this out thank god!) and things go the way they usually do. We end up in bed. But in that moment the interest turns to self consciousness and the encounter goes down the tubes. I have theories but I’ve never gotten anyone to tell me what is going on in their heads so they remain theories. They range from – we just talked about all these weird things, does she want me to do them? Will she be judging me? Am I as good, worse, better, than the other sex she’s had? Oh, god! am I going to end up in her next story?

3. Horrific Fascination! This is always a fun one. They run. They run so fast that you have no choice but to let them go. An absolutely beautiful man was trying to connect with me at the gym – for weeks. When we finally spoke he asked me what I did and that was the last time we conversed. The next time I saw him he wouldn’t even meet my eyes. Oh well, his loss.

Those are the main ones. They keep replaying in my life like a broken record. But luckily sometimes you get interest that is really intellectual, and someone who is intrigued by some other aspect of me that draws them more than the erotica.

My friends still love to tell people what I do. They find the reactions amusing and illuminating. I guess I shouldn’t take their fun away but there are times when I feel like a chess piece being moved into a position of vulnerability just to see how the other side will respond.

And then every once in awhile I get introduced to someone and they’re job is more salacious than mine, this is Portland after all.

Licks!

What is good sex?

I’ve been thinking about that since last night as I struggled over an orgasm passage in a new story. I couldn’t seem to get it right – the words, feelings, movements of my characters were escaping me. Fractured moments would find their way on the page, phrases, words, but that isn’t usually the best writing – the best writing flows… kind of like the best sex.

There are so many different flavors of sex –

And there are so many sexual things that I’m not convinced are sex. It’s like I need another category for them or maybe sex is the broad net and I need to define the pieces. More questions than answers… but we were talking about flavors of sex.

As I’ve been exploring the different flavors – kind of like being at Baskin-Robbins except there are more than 31 – I’ve discovered that my definition of sex has expanded as has my personal repertoire. And I’ve been having better sex. But am I having better sex because I’m more adventurous, found better partners, or…something else? Is variety the spice of life?

If you type in “types of sex” into Google you will even get lists, pages and pages of them… 

• The Frisky has 24 Types of Sex including one-night-stands, pity sex, and morning sex.
• Ask Men has the 6 Types of Sex Women Enjoy Including Seductive Sex, Romantic Sex, Animalistic Sex, and Kinky Sex.
• NYNerd lists 7 Types of Sex including Smurf Sex – “having sex until you are both blue in the face”.
• Cambridge University Students’ Union has different types of sex listed and even includes the risks to your health. The first type is “Touching, holding & kissing” the last is Fisting.

I could go on for pages… but I won’t because none of these lists do anything for me. They are describing types, acts, circumstances but not what is good.

Now I admit – what is good is often based on who, with what, where, and why. For Example: Prof. Plum, with the vibrator, in the Library, because I could *grin*. So as I was sweating the details of my literary orgasm last night I started to wonder…what, for me, defined good sex? So I came up with my own list…

First and foremost – I’ll be focusing on you so you damn well better be focusing on me! That means be present and in the moment. I won’t do you while you are watching porn. (Just a personal issue – if you are having sex with me then I better be the most important thing in the room.)

Second – Don’t be apologetic or worried that you should have spent more time at the gym – If you got into my bed then I like you the way you are. So strip off those clothes and get in here with me.

Third – Have fun! I really mean that. Sex is more fun when you are having fun. Have a sense of humor – see the silly side of things – when you get right down to it sex if rather ludicrous. I put what where? And it does what to you? I mean think about it.

The fourth rule is something I’ve added just for myself – enjoy the magic. Sometimes you meet someone and the chemistry is… well… Wow! Enjoy it, bask in it, and let it pull you where ever it takes you. Chemistry like that is a gift from the gods. Simply thank them and curl back up with your lover.

So… those are my thoughts… what are yours? What is the best sex you’ve ever had and why was it the best? Something made that moment magical… what was it?

Licks!

YeeHaw! Another one out…

Publishing is a bitch – but I’ve got another erotic short story out there. “An Accidental Moment” is now available on Mainstream Erotica – a new site that I’m sure we will all be watching since they pay!!!!

If you happen to wander over and log onto the website (subscription is free) you can vote for your favorite story - and yes I am hopeful it will be mine *grin*.

Link to Mainstream Erotica
Link to An Accidental Moment
Link to Contest Rules – for anyone else who wants to join in the fun!
Licks!

Talking about Sex…

I received the strangest complement on Tuesday. The gal who comes to clean my house told me that she had just texted her boyfriend to let him know she was here. Apparently he likes it when she cleans my place. I have to admit I was perplexed… but the answer was rather simple. When she comes over we talk about sex. Orgasms, toys, different experiences, things we like – things we are amused by. But every time she leaves she is horny…

Glad I could help.

Of course I spend a great deal of my time thinking, researching, and talking about sex (and as much time as possible enjoying it) but I’d never thought about the impact my habit was having on the people around me.

It is funny – but with everything out there that is available to us: porn, toy shops, how-to videos, chats, blogs, and erotica sites. Everything out there to join: swingers clubs, fetish clubs, sex clubs and BDSM clubs. Yet we may be feeding our mind with this stuff – but I get the impression that most of us aren’t talking about it to the people in our lives.

Apparently that is where I come in.

My friends love to say to complete strangers at parties – “Hi, this is my friend Emma, she writes Erotica.” At first it was for the shock value – but now it is more about the conversations that come out of it. Sex, like politics and religion, is something a lot of us were raised not to speak of. My sense was that this is a way to prevent friction in relationships yet there is no better way to build a relationship than to share, agree, disagree and agree to disagree. We can’t learn or change our understanding about topics or issues if we don’t talk about them.

OK – down off my high horse and back to sex.

I look more like Marion the Librarian than Jenna Jamison – which apparently makes it okay for people to tell me all sorts of things. They also assume I’ve been places and done things that are not a part of my universe of sex – but that assumption gives them the freedom to talk.

The conversations usually start off with a bang – someone drops something wild, everyone giggles, then once the ice is broken we move forward to the serious discussion.

At one party we talked about the sex clubs in town, at another we got down and dirty about orgasms, at a third we discussed different levels of bondage. One party the girls and I decided we needed to go out to Castle Superstore and go shopping – the recession happened and we all cut back our spending. Sex is free – toys cost.

I live in Portland, OR – which if you don’t know has become quite the sex destination. We still hold fast to our pioneer heritage which stated simply means – you can take it all off because I don’t have to look. Our strippers take it all off and we don’t care what you do as long as we have a choice of whether or not to join in. We also have a right-to-die bill and the legalization of marijuana has come up multiple times but never passed – but we are still working on that.

Club Sesso – a swingers club endorsed by Ron Jeremy, just opened up near one of our favorite bars. Discussion has raged about what “type” of people it will bring into the area – something I find amusing considering the Portland scene – you can find anything here including…

Angles Social Club, Steam – A Gay Bathhouse, Rose City Discussion Club – for those interested in BDSM, fetish and adult alternative sexuality, Nightshift-NW – swingers club, Roughly Every Six Weeks – fetishes and BDSM… and the list goes on and on…I didn’t even think to mention The Ace of Hearts with its sub-club the Ace Gang Bang Crew....

By comparison Club Sesso seemed rather run of the mill to me – but it was the first one to go mainstream with its advertising. The club even offers tours for the curious. I’m not sure what the worry is. Swinging appears to be an expensive lifestyle when you consider the number of travel and tour companies devoted to their interests. Those companies wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t the demand and the money to back it.

Amazing time we are living in - lines are blurring and what was once fringe is becoming mainstream.

Who would have thought that sex – and talking about it – would become a staple of my existence. Nice to know that I can write erotica and help people have sex… well at least the gal that cleans for me. Wonder if, when I finally get to Club Sesso, I’ll find any of the people I’ve talked to exploring their sexuality…

Licks!