Love & Lovers

A lover and I parted ways last week.

It was sudden in the way things are sudden when you’ve know they were going to happen for so long you forgot it was possible. We’ve been friends for a long time, and lovers on and off over the years, but over the last eight months we’ve grown closer than ever before. Close enough that losing this aspect of him is like losing a part of me. We both have stressful demanding day jobs and found surcease from the woes of our daily lives during our weekly visits. The thought of surviving the next few months without the joy we found together makes my heart ache.

We talked last night, my friend and I. Talked about where we were, where we were going, and about what we share and how much we will both miss it. Our relationship was uncomplicated in the way lovers can be – caring and being cared for without the extra stress of day-to-day existence. We love, but are not in love. Now that he is moving on our relationship is about to get complicated as we work our way from lovers back to friends. Because we became so close over the last year our friendship is taking on a different flavor – one worth holding onto.

But it is an adjustment. One that has me sad, wistful, and grateful for the time we have spent together even as my body and heart crave more.

Last night he asked me if he’d hurt me. I didn’t think so; at least not in the way the phrase is usually meant. I hurt, but not because he hurt me. I hurt because I’ll miss that part of him terribly. We’ve known all along this was temporary. As much joy as we have together there has always been something missing. Something one of us would go off in search of one day. And he has. I sent my love and my blessing after him.

~ Licks my loves