Oh my, What Not To Do…

…the first time you have sex with someone. (Warning – this is a bit of a rant)

I was dishing it with the girls again and I have to say what were we thinking? Hell, what were you thinking?

I know that there can be angst around the first time you have sex with someone even if it is a one night stand. But really now – everyone get a grip.

First off –

Sex should be fun and not riddled with angst and insecurity. If someone likes you enough to get naked with you assume that they want to be with you. Step into the moment and enjoy – leave the baggage at the door.

Second – talk!

Decide the rules beforehand.

Which means – what flavor of safe-sex are you going to have and is there anything that is completely off limits.

If you’ve been flirting for weeks you may have a pretty good idea what turns your partner on – but depending on what you want (i.e. if you want the possibility of something more long term) let things unfold at a rate that is comfortable for both parties.

And more talking...

Let things unfold – some of us prefer to get to know someone before being bound, having oral or anal sex. Don’t push. If you are meeting for something specific – a fetish or a specific flavor of sex – talk about boundaries and expectations before you get started (yes I said that before but it is worth repeating!).

Communication is the key – although notice I say communication not stage direction. We are not dolls so don’t tell anyone what to do and where to go. Talk to us – we’ll talk to you. We’ll tell you what feels good, what we enjoy and you can tell us. This way each of us can work our way through our desires and boundaries.

If you find something nice about your partner – say it. You like the feel of their skin, or the way their nipples wink at you, or the taste of them. Everyone likes complements that are sincere – so when the thought comes express it.

Next step – listen!

Listen to the change in breathing, for catch in their breath, what makes them moan, purr, or cry out. Check in to see if they are reacting to pain or pleasure – or a bit of both. If they tell you something listen, be sweet about it, be considerate, be there and nowhere else.

And save the experiments for someone you know.

I would have had a much better week, several years ago, if the man I had sex with had asked me if I’d like a regular condom or one with “warming pleasure”. I would have opted out of the lovely warm sensations that made for the most uncomfortable sex I’ve ever had. Let alone the rash that took days to heal and itched like a bitch.

It is a common myth that everyone is have more – (choose your word here) better, kinkier, outrageous, orgasmic – sex than you are. If you are thinking about that, worrying about that, I doubt very much that you are really paying attention.

When you are having great sex – you are with your partner and there is nothing else in the world that exists.

Grab the moment – talk, listen, and enjoy!

Licks!

Oral fixation…

I have a bit of an oral fixation.

I like things in my mouth.

It isn’t something that I can help and nothing is better than a lover who appreciates it. Although I’ve had my share of embarrassing situations, believe me. One lover had a thing about saliva and wouldn’t let me touch him with my tongue – let alone put my mouth on anything.

Then I really put myself on the line – I was seducing a man and told him that I was amazing, the best he would ever have, at oral sex. Well… I was wrong. Nothing I did worked for him. What a blow to the ego!

Things might be different if I met him now, I learned something new.

I do learn new things all the time. Or I relearn old things. When I was younger I didn’t have a gag reflex – now I do – so things are a bit more complicated. But I’ll take age and wisdom over youth and enthusiasm any day.

But I learned something new – which is strange considering my obsession with oral sex – but what I’ve found is that every man is different.

Most lovers are just excited to have their cock in a mouth. Others like suction, others are turned on by how deep you can take them in, some by the occasional grazing of teeth, some by how you play your tongue against the glands, down the sides, or slipping in the fissure. Hands on the cock, the balls, below the balls where the cock continues down to the pelvis, fingers in around or in the ass – all add more to the fun.

What I’ve never had was a lover that was enjoying himself so much but wouldn’t come.

That is another thing I like – feeling my lover come in my mouth. The rippling of the muscles, the contractions, and shudders…. Mmmmm…. Usually my desire for unlimited time with their cock in my mouth is enough but the other night it wasn’t. In fact this lover had never come in my mouth – had never been brought to orgasm with my mouth and hands.

One of the joys of him is that we communicate! So when he explained that although my mouth was delectable as it crossed the glands – if I would add my hand to that… well bliss would ensue. So, I did – adding my hand as an extension of my lips and, some time later, in his words, he came. Harder than he had come in ages. For him, my lips just didn’t apply as much pressure as he needed.

So I learned something new, something I can’t wait to try again that satisfies my oral fixation and his lust.

Licks!